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Craziest Court Case Ever

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Page by: J Beck

I had an argument with a neighbour one day as he was up ladders looking in my garden for over an hour when we had a child staying with us. I confronted this man and told him he had no right to be looking in my garden.

The discussion soon took a turn for the worse and the police arrived soon after.


The police charged me with being abusive, stating there was no law against someone being up ladders looking in my garden for up to 2 hours.

As I believed this statement was not entirely true, I put a complaint in about this officer, leading to her being investigated.

Seems the outcome of the investigation was top secrete.

The solicitor representing me asked to meet me outside of the court 10 minutes before the trial. He was about an hour late, stating the court was running late as one of the witnesses against me was almost deaf, and the audio system had failed.

This was the wife of the man I had the argument with, who claimed to have been listening to our conversation from down in her garden.

I told the solicitor this woman had a burst eardrum, as I heard her man rearranged the shape of her head a few years earlier with a gun butt.

The solicitor then ran in the court shouting, need to see the fiscal, get the case put back.

The solicitor then told me I should have told him this during our meetings.

I told the solicitor this was on the first page of my statement in large print, one of the reasons I did not want him looking in my garden. Seemingly, reading is not the solicitor’s strong point.

Six months later, my neighbour entered the witness box, and after exchanging pleasantries with the Fiscal, stated to the court, He had locked a wee girl in the boot of his car, about ten years old, and the police never kept a record of it.

The Fiscal had to inform him he was not there for that incident, he was there as a witness against me.

My neighbour also stated he was up his ladders for about an hour and a half washing the roof of his car, not looking in my garden.

The three JPs looked shocked by what he was telling them.

My neighbours wife was next to give evidence, sporting a rather large hearing aid, definitely not a latest model.

The Fiscal and Solicitor had to shout at her from 4 feet for her to hear them, yet she claimed to have heard a conversation from a distance.

The Fiscal and Solicitor thought it would be a good idea not to ask her if she was half deaf, and how she became half deaf.

Their neighbour was next to enter the witness box, a 20 stone individual the police claimed was a credible witness.

I had warned my solicitor about this person, as I had seen him chasing two police officers out his garden one day. The two officers survived intact, as they managed to get in their van.

My solicitor had just introduced himself to this witness, when he shouted, are you eyeballing me, to which this large guy replied: I will f--king look at you whatever way I want to f--king look at you.

My solicitor took a run at this guy as if he was going to nut him.

Whilst forehead to forehead, shouting: don’t you dare eyeball me, and, Ill f--king look at you how I f--king want to look at you, the solicitor jumped back shouting: you’ve been drinking.

The big guy then stated, I av been drinkin, bit geest wan pint (Yes I have been dinking but just one pint).

The shouting and swearing continued for a few minutes, with the big guy hanging out the witness box as if he was trying to get a hold of the solicitor.

A JP seemed to get fed up with the unpleasanteries, so stood up and began shouting as loud as he could for the big guy to stop swearing at the solicitor.

The solicitor and fiscal soon finished with the big guy, so told him to leave, leading to a dramatic exit from the witness box, falling flat on his face, narrowly missing a rather nervous looking police officer.

Wan pint, who was he kidding.

The three JPs believed the three witness’s evidence against me, a self confessed child abductor, a deaf woman, and a violent drunk, so found me guilty.

My solicitor then read out I had never been in trouble with the police before, run my own business, and had been called upon many times for Jury Service.

The three JPs agreed a years suspended sentence with no fine. .

J Beck

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